your room smells of hookers.
And success
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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