Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
