not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
