i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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