Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ttyl tear gas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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