I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
