Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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