Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
