Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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