why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
