I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
