Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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