is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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