I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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