So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
