Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize