laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
