her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
