you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
