Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.