His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate