On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
