I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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