Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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