This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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