Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just crazy horny about you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
