my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
