dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bring me that man meat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
