remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize