Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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