Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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