wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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