My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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