Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
