he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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