what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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