I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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