She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
