I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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