Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
