I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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