we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We had sex on a dog bed..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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