someone get that fucking seahorse.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
