No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
