remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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