I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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