Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
