GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
