He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
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It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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