someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
