Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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