Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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