all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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