I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
