Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
