omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
