I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just tell him i said nine months
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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