I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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