Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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