She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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