I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
