so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
