yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
