I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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