I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
