Duck Duck Cougar?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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