you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
