I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
