I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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