Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
