whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
