Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
