she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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