Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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