So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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