We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
