Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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